i once had a friend.
he's a writer.
he used to just write down his thoughts.
a stream of consciousness...
the night has fallen.
the freeway in the distance makes a subtle roar.
my thoughts plague me.
awake in the silence of my head.
questions.
shame.
guilt.
discontentment.
my life is a vapor.
time is short.
the dull glow of the screen.
friendly.
lonely.
where do I go from here?
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
refocus...
i had a startling reminder this weekend... that when God and I aren't right... it affects every aspect of my life. God is my foundation... the rock on which my life is built on... how vain am I to think that if I neglect to maintain that foundation that I can hold my life together? When friendships get overwhelming... its prolly because my focus has turned from God as the center. Time to refocus... I need my God-tinted glasses on when I look at the world.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
dreams, purpose, reality
At the moment I am sitting at my favorite coffee shop down in Seal Beach. It is a wonderful june gloom morning. I just finished building a sand castle, complete with five towers and a dollar bill flag which I left to see who would take it first: a poor surfer or a curious seagull. My guess is that it will be used to buy a breakfast burrito or something. [By this time you are probably wondering where the point of this blog lies. Don’t worry I will get to that eventually.]
Whether you are working a job or completing summer school, I do encourage you to take some time and enjoy a sunset, hike a mountain, or watch the waves roll in at the ocean. As I have gotten older (22 this month actually) I have realized the importance of taking time to breath in God’s creation. If you are wondering what heaven will be like, just look around at the things that God already created and then imagine that 200 times better. It is also easier to hear God’s voice when we silence the distractions of the world and surround ourselves with peaceful reminders of God’s love. At our age, an important question we are asking, is “why the heck am I here?” What is my purpose? Is there even such a thing as a purpose? People want to know what you are going to do with your life? what are your dreams? And I find myself wondering if the dreams and promises that I feel God has given me will ever happen, or are my dreams wishful whims that exist far from reality?
Do you remember King David from the Bible? Or maybe you know him better as David and Goliath, the boy who slayed the giant. Anyways I was reading through the book of Samuel the other day and God showed me some interesting observations about this young man’s life. First of all, David was the least in his father’s eyes, a Shepard not worthy of even being mentioned to Samuel who came looking to anoint Israel’s new king. David’s father Jesse brought all his brother’s before Samuel, but Samuel after checking all of them out did not hear God’s prodding to anoint them king. When they grabbed David from the field (probably smelling like sheep) Samuel clearly heard God saying that David would be the new king. From that day God placed a dream in David’s heart, a purpose: that he would lead a nation and be king over Israel. I am sure David after a week of going back with the sheep was ready to assume his new leadership role, but instead he tended sheep for years after. Not only that, he was still looked down upon by his brothers and family. Even after David slayed Goliath, his life is was no walk in the park. He still spent years running for his life being hated by current king, who sought to kill David with hateful fervor. He lost his best friend, lived as a refugee, and often had no one there to support him. “David’s position was desperate. He has only one precious asset: God’s promise that he will be king.” I don’t know about you, but I would have given up on that dream and figured God changed his mind or had other plans for me. Perhaps I would have thought up my own way of becoming king. But not david. “Although circumstances tested his faith in that promise to the extreme, David learns to wait for God’s timing. In the end… David inherits the throne of Israel at last.” Although it may have seemed like the dreams David was given by God would never happen, David persevered and continued to have faith. And God never changed his mind, instead he came through on the promise he gave David years before.
At first this story might be kind of depressing to think about. You may be thinking, “does that mean that in order for God to fulfill the dream in my heart I have to go through hell on earth first?” Maybe, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel: God always keeps his promises. If we align ourselves with his word, he will always fulfill the dreams he has placed in our heart, just maybe not the way we think he will. David later writes in one of the many psalms,
Psalm 20
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
9 O LORD, save the king!
Answer [a] us when we call!
I don’t know about you, but I know that God is in control and that is enough for me to keep pressing on.
Whether you are working a job or completing summer school, I do encourage you to take some time and enjoy a sunset, hike a mountain, or watch the waves roll in at the ocean. As I have gotten older (22 this month actually) I have realized the importance of taking time to breath in God’s creation. If you are wondering what heaven will be like, just look around at the things that God already created and then imagine that 200 times better. It is also easier to hear God’s voice when we silence the distractions of the world and surround ourselves with peaceful reminders of God’s love. At our age, an important question we are asking, is “why the heck am I here?” What is my purpose? Is there even such a thing as a purpose? People want to know what you are going to do with your life? what are your dreams? And I find myself wondering if the dreams and promises that I feel God has given me will ever happen, or are my dreams wishful whims that exist far from reality?
Do you remember King David from the Bible? Or maybe you know him better as David and Goliath, the boy who slayed the giant. Anyways I was reading through the book of Samuel the other day and God showed me some interesting observations about this young man’s life. First of all, David was the least in his father’s eyes, a Shepard not worthy of even being mentioned to Samuel who came looking to anoint Israel’s new king. David’s father Jesse brought all his brother’s before Samuel, but Samuel after checking all of them out did not hear God’s prodding to anoint them king. When they grabbed David from the field (probably smelling like sheep) Samuel clearly heard God saying that David would be the new king. From that day God placed a dream in David’s heart, a purpose: that he would lead a nation and be king over Israel. I am sure David after a week of going back with the sheep was ready to assume his new leadership role, but instead he tended sheep for years after. Not only that, he was still looked down upon by his brothers and family. Even after David slayed Goliath, his life is was no walk in the park. He still spent years running for his life being hated by current king, who sought to kill David with hateful fervor. He lost his best friend, lived as a refugee, and often had no one there to support him. “David’s position was desperate. He has only one precious asset: God’s promise that he will be king.” I don’t know about you, but I would have given up on that dream and figured God changed his mind or had other plans for me. Perhaps I would have thought up my own way of becoming king. But not david. “Although circumstances tested his faith in that promise to the extreme, David learns to wait for God’s timing. In the end… David inherits the throne of Israel at last.” Although it may have seemed like the dreams David was given by God would never happen, David persevered and continued to have faith. And God never changed his mind, instead he came through on the promise he gave David years before.
At first this story might be kind of depressing to think about. You may be thinking, “does that mean that in order for God to fulfill the dream in my heart I have to go through hell on earth first?” Maybe, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel: God always keeps his promises. If we align ourselves with his word, he will always fulfill the dreams he has placed in our heart, just maybe not the way we think he will. David later writes in one of the many psalms,
Psalm 20
For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
9 O LORD, save the king!
Answer [a] us when we call!
I don’t know about you, but I know that God is in control and that is enough for me to keep pressing on.
Monday, May 26, 2008
prayer...
This weekend something I have been praying about turned out in my favor. My instant reaction is... "God answers prayer!" But as I have been thinking about it I have come to realize that God always answers prayer.... it just may not turn out the way we thought it would. How selfish am I only to thank God for "answering prayer" when it turns out my way? If I only I could see clearly all the time, and give God the thanks He deserves just for being who He is...
"Wonderful, beautiful, glorious, matchlessin every way."
Sunday, May 11, 2008
father we will lead them home...
There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People’s hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures
This is an emergency!
There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them come back home
We’re crying for them come back home
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home
There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In it’s state of desperation
For Your glory
This is an emergency!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home
~Leeland; "Tears of the Saints"
i walk down another street...
taken from a friend who is learning to avoid the chasm that so easily consumes.
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
- Portia Nelson
Autobiography In Five Short Chapters
Chapter I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
- Portia Nelson
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